Expectations

Something I’ve learned about myself in the last 19 years of my existence is that I suck at setting expectations for myself. I always say I’m going to do something and I either procrastinate it away until I forget or just put it off saying I’ll do it ‘when the time is right’. It’s never anything huge or life threatening, but it always has to do with my hobbies in life. My YouTube channel, my singing/songwriting, even this blog. I tell myself I’m gonna upload consistently or keep a journal or finally make that song that has been running through my head and nothing ever happens. It all just stays stuck on a loop in my head as things that I don’t give enough effort to. I even do it with people. My grandma on my mom’s side is one of my favorite human beings and I barely make time for her. She does so much for me and my mom and my sister and never asks for anything in return and I find it so hard to make time to pick up the phone and call her? It’s this horrible habit I’ve developed and no matter how many times I address it to myself it keeps happening. I’m hoping by writing it out maybe it’ll finally stick and I can start changing that side of me. I want to pursue the things that make me happy and make time for important people in my life. I can’t keeping living life as though it will never end and I have time to push everything off because I honestly don’t. I’m 19 years old and if I want to live the life I’ve always wanted I have to just do it. I can’t wait around for someone to live it for me. With all that said I hope I can stop setting expectations for myself and just be a doer. I’ve been a talker my whole life and it’s time for me to take a step back and put those words into actions.

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