Family

I’ve always had an interesting relationship with my family. I was raised by a single mother and my father was never really around. As I got older things just got more complicated. He’d pop in and out of my life whenever he saw fit. He’s never been a real father to me or my siblings and at this point I’ve cut off all ties to him. But that section of my life is over with and I’m not talking about him in this post. I’m talking about my grandmother, his mom. Growing up I loved visiting her and hanging out with her. However, now that I’m older I can’t stand to be around her. She treats me with such disrespect and lack of care. She expects the world of me, as though I owe her something. It’s hard to compare how she treats me now compared to how it used to be. Inside I know it’s not me it’s just how she is. But it hurts nonetheless, compared to my brothers I’m definitely the least favorite when it comes to my fathers children. It could be because I’m the only girl, or because I moved to NC when I was 4, or maybe just because I’m not like them. I don’t bend at my grandmothers will, I don’t judge others based on their appearance or how they chose to live their lives, and I certainly don’t ignore the behavior of an abuser like how everyone enables my father. People have always told me you don’t turn your back on family and you have to love your family, but that’s a load of crap. Being related doesn’t make it okay to be a person or to do bad things. At the end of the day everyone is a human being, all with equal chance and opportunity to be reprimanded for their wrongdoings. Being in my bloodline doesn’t give you a free pass to be excluded from this ideal and to do whatever you want. We as people have every right to choose the company we keep and to remove bad influences where we see fit, especially if those influences are people one sees consistently. Family is messy and difficult and sometimes broken. At the end of the day you have to do what is right for yourself and your mental wellbeing. Even if it means cutting ties with ‘family’.

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